Parshas Toldos 5786: Well, Well, Well

 Torah Parallels 

Parshas Toldos 

לעילוי נשמת האדא בת מרדכי 

Well, Well, Well 

 

Part of the beracha that Yitzchak gave Yaakov is that “Those who curse you should be cursed, and those who bless you should be blessed” (Beraishis 27:29). The question that immediately jumps out is why did Yitzchak structure the beracha in this order? Why not start with the positive that those who bless us be blessed and follow that with those who curse us should be cursed? Why emphasize the negative by mentioning it first?  

 

Rashi (27:29) is bothered by this question and further points out that in the beracha that Billam gave B’nei Yisroel later in the Torah, he says “Those who bless you should be blessed and those who curse you should be cursed”. Even Billam said the beracha part first! So why did Yitzchak present it in the order of negative and then positive? 

 

Rashi answers simply that Yitzchak presented the order in a way that reflects reality. In the real world, hardship comes first. The tzadik’s life begins with suffering, struggle, and friction. Only afterward does the shalom and shalvah emerge. Therefore, in a practical sense, Yitzchak first blessed Yaakov that those who curse him should be cursed and then those who bless him should be blessed. After all, this is how he would undoubtedly experience life.  

 

But why is that the nature of a tzadik’s journey? Why must righteousness start with struggle? 

 

In 1984 a billionaire and a systems ecologist joined forces to launch an experiment known as Biosphere 2. The project was named as such because it was meant to be the second fully self-sufficient biosphere (Earth being the first). The 3.14 acre, 7.2 million cubic dome complex was built in Arizona and while they tried to think of everything, the experiment proved several challenges across various fields. One of the findings realized in this experiment was that while trees were able to grow rapidly and tall, they were extremely weak. They suffered due to lack of stress wood, which is wood that forms in trees in response to mechanical stress such as due to winds. It turned out that a “perfect” environment isn’t one with less stress introduced. The lack of wind applying various pressures on the trees resulted in fundamentally weak trees. 

 

This is something built into the b’riyah (creation). The effort of struggling through natural challenges actually produces a more perfect state of nature – from trees to pearls to diamonds to people. As much as this is true for physical strength and growth, it is certainly true for spiritual growth. In fact, as chazal say (Avos 5:23) “l’fum tzara agra” - the more effort through struggle, the greater the reward.  

 

This is a theme we see earlier in the parsha as well. After Avimelech kicked Yitzchak out of Gerar, Yitzchak found himself at the same place that Avraham had dug wells when he was on the same path. The Pelishtim had since filled the wells up with dirt, so Yitzchak had to re-dig the water wells that had been there from Avraham. He dug the first well, but the Pelishtim there fought over it and claimed it for themselves. This then happened a second time. Yitzchak re-dug a well, and the Pelishtim fought and claimed it for themselves. Finally, at the third well, Yitzchak dug a well and there was no fight over it. The struggle of Yitzchak at the wells is representative of his struggle as a real tzadik. A tzadik is someone who becomes great through his personal effort and overcoming challenges. There’s no shortcut. Yitzchak literally had to re-dig the same wells just to name it by the same names that Avraham had done and all the while fighting the external conflict of the Pelishitm claiming the wells for themselves. Similarly, while Yitzchak was privileged to grow up in the house of Avraham he still needed to create his own identity through effort and struggle and became a tzadik and one of the avos in his own right. 

 

Perhaps with this we could understand a different difficulty in the parsha. The parsha opens with Yitzchak and Rivka davening to have children. Rashi states that it was ultimately the tefillah of Yitzchak that Hashem answered to provide them with children. As he writes, “the tefillah of a tzadik ben rasha doesn’t compare to a tzadik ben tzadik”. On the surface, if one were to guess to compare the power of tefillah between the two, one would certainly point to the tefillah of a tzadik ben rasha such as Rivka who was able to emerge from such a background and still become the person she became. This is seemingly a far greater struggle and is factual. As the gemara (Berachos 34b) explicitly says, “b’makom she’baal teshuvah omeid, ein tzadik gamur yachol la’amod” - the stature of a ba’al teshuvah is second to none! So what makes the tefillah of a tzadik ben tzadik so special?  

 

It must be that the ikkur part that powers the tefillah of a tzadik ben tzadik, is primarily from the zechus avos, which we know is a superpower for tefillah that we rely on still today. However, if in fact it is all due to zechus avos, why does Rashi write that it is the power of the tefillah of a “tzadik ben tzadik”? Why not write that a tefillah of a “ben tzadik” is more prone to be answered than a “ben rasha”? Perhaps it is because the aspect of being tzadik ben tzadik itself also adds to the equation in some way similar to the tzadik ben rasha. A true tzadik is not someone who was born in a biosphere and looks tall and green. Rather, a true tzadik has the same stress wood. He not only created his own identity in re-digging the wells of his father – even if just to call it by the same exact names, but also fights the external struggles where every step he takes there is someone trying to push him back.  

 

Today it is common to quickly label every difficulty as trauma and to dissect it endlessly. Some of that is necessary and healthy as introspection is key to understanding how to heal and improve. However, one must never dismiss one’s life’s events as external things that should never have happened. It is normal to feel this way, and indeed if other people are involved (such as the Pelishtim), they have no right to contribute to the struggle. However, at the same time, Hashem provides each of us with tailored challenges that we could not only overcome, but actually leverage to thrive with a focus of “post traumatic growth”. Struggle is part of the design for growth, not a sign of ultimate failure.  

 

This is precisely the beracha that Yitzchak gave to Yaakov, and therefore to us by extension. Beracha follows hardship, identity follows digging, and tranquility comes from resilience.  

May those who curse us be cursed, and may those who bless us be blessed.